There is a part of us all that looks to the perfect future date, the perfect time or set of circumstances before we take action; whether that’s having a baby, moving home, emigrating, or even changing jobs. There is the belief that at some point the stars will align and the one thing we want will happen, make sense, suddenly fit into the realms of a logical decision. We as a human species are extremely thought-oriented; we wait and attempt control, without realising the ripple effect this can create in other areas, or the messages we are unconsciously sending to listening forces.
Lately, I’ve found myself under pressure, extreme pressure, where it felt as if there were a million moving pieces, all out of my control and which I could only respond to. It has felt like an unending fire fighting exercise, the universe suddenly adopting the role of insatiable pyromaniac. For someone who prides herself on working in flow, on understanding there are lessons in all, I was – to put it mildly – really fucked off with each fresh assault as it landed.
Amidst the fire extinguishing and desperate meditations, there was the deep temptation to believe that once all the flames were out, I would be able to breathe, I would do what I needed to do, I would reintroduce more of the life I knew, back into the world around me. The sense of relief felt imminent, salvation and good things waiting around the corner, if only I held on for just a while longer.
And then I remembered a conversation I’d had with a friend. During our talk we had realised that one of our biggest blockers to manifestation was believing that in order to be successful in whatever we decided was currently important, we had to identify any emotional or mental blocks and clear them. We had thought, for so long, that we had to eradicate challenges to make way for more of life to flow through to us. We did not realise, that what we were in fact manifesting was a life in which we were only worthy once all ‘barriers’ were systematically removed. But there is no such thing as an entirely clear life, or individual. Like a reimagined modern Sisyphus from Greek mythology, we had been limiting ourselves by making all significant growth dependant on a task that had no defined end.
The lesson here, was that we are all still able and worthy to receive, even amongst the chaos that occasionally comes riding through our lives. We are still able to receive, when it feels like the world, as we know it, could end at any minute. Because really, it’s not going to end, and we can hold what we judge as the great and the challenging, simultaneously. We can surely do that.
Now, I invite the good into my life, even when it feels like there is no space for it, or as though it may be impossible to experience joy. This is about more than hope, this is about belief. Sitting in the states of both experience and invitation can feel like being an intermediary between two forces. Somewhere, once enough control is released to allow them to meet, comes the knowledge that they have been unnecessarily kept in separate halls for our entire lives. It is as though we thought the only way to cope with one, was to shut down open access to the other. Linear emotion is what we have been taught, with a sprinkling of hope at most.
What this release, this new co-mingling of forces means, is that even when fires are still blazing; when you can still feel both flames and smell smoke, they are not the only things present. There can still be the sensation of water touching your skin, signalling that you will not be utterly consumed.
I want you to practice, in times of stress, reminding yourself that you can still receive goodness in the chaos. You don’t need to wait. You can receive flowers from the universe, at the same time as hailstorms pelt down. Know, the universe always has lessons and reasons, that it is as accountable as yourself. Do the work to understand what is happening, but also spend time inhaling the sweet fragrance of those flowers, now.