When we are in the infancy of our self-help journeys, the declarations we make to end all our unhelpful patterns will usually spark apprehension. Suddenly, the fear of how these cyclical habits within us might respond when called out is very tangible. We feel their discomfort at potentially being challenged by us, their host, as awareness readies us to reclaim our power. The further down this road of self-knowledge we go and the more layers of healing we uncover, one might wrongly assume that changes occur like falling dominos. The reality is that a fatigue sometimes, and often does, set in instead.
To be constantly interrupting the reactions we have to life is exhausting, the level of examination required at times resembling a part time forensics job. As we tire in the midst of our healing and begin to veer off path for extended periods, the original discomfort felt by those patterns within us can start to dissipate. If left too long, apathy sets in; the result of so much awareness coupled with so little action. The patterns we were once so intent on destroying no longer tremble at the thought of being ‘cleared’ or ‘broken’ but are now so numbed to our false proclamations of change that they barely stir. We have successfully desensitised ourselves to the threat of growth.
Some of the problem may lie in the over familiarity we now have with the word pattern. It has become a buzzword, like closure, toxic, trauma – all excellent descriptors and yet, in the wrong mouths, containing as much depth as froth on a cup of coffee. We know, repeatedly witnessing our patterning is overwhelming. We understand that our problems are not our own, that they are ancestry deep and generations wide, that they are as daunting as they are revealing. And whilst the word pattern may provide a sense of containment, implying organisation and predictability, it also has a reductive quality. The label makes issues seem smaller and easier to fold away, so we believe for a time that we can simply ignore them. We don’t see the difference between ignoring a thing and choosing to set it down awhile. We are so stuck in avoidance we forget the option of rest.
Healing does not happen to you; it happens with you and the moment you feel otherwise is a sure sign you need a moment to breathe. Burnout is not the result only of the negative elements in our lives, such as stress and over working. Burnout is also a very real possibility when clearing up the scattered debris in our subconscious mind. This here is hard work. You have to remember to reward yourself; to sleep, watch TV, eat some ice cream – have some fun.
Just remember to return.